Friendly obligation

I went to work today because there was nothing pressing at home and work was the best place to get information. I cannot say I accomplished much for myself or the CDC, but it was somehow comforting just to be among some people without having an obligation to talk to any of them.

On the way home I stopped by to talk to Amanda in person. I wanted to give her the update on the things I knew, but I also wanted to tell her what I had been guessing about the Navy’s true intentions for Eugene’s ship. I did not have any desire to make her feel worse than she already was, but looking ahead I imagined telling her after the fact and how much worse she would feel. Not to mention if she found out later that I had my suspicions and held them from her, it would likely only make her angrier and kill our friendship.

Regardless, she cried at first and I said, something about being so sorry and that she should not worry since the only people that knew were not going to tell until after it happened.

She shook her head as she cried and after a minute she calmed doen enough to speak clearly. “I wasn’t crying because of what you said. I cried because I came to the same conclusion a couple days ago. At the time, I was ashamed and thought I must have been a horrible wife to harbor such thoughts. I cried because you’re a good man, Bruce. And I know what your relationship with Eugene meant to you. And if you have come to terms with such an unthinkable possibility, then maybe I’m not so bad after all. Thank you for your strength.”

Once more, have underestimated the strength and wisdom of this woman.

I held her and sobbed for about a minute before going. I know what she’s going through, having suffered the death of Cecile. I will make it a point to support her as much as I can in the tough times she has ahead.